Social networks are great for us to give our opinions, but they can become the stage for many, very muuuitas, online fights.
If you’ve never fought on a social network (which is rare), you’ve at least seen a discussion of those unfold in many comments on your timeline. According to a survey released this year by eMarketer, four out of ten Brazilians have already broken friendships in social networks. Be it by divergent political positions (it is getting ready, because we will have presidential elections this year), or by the controversy of the time, when the discussion opens, it comes from below. It seems that the more answers and counterarguments, the more people want to take part in the debate and see something endless. It is that most of the times we want to express our opinion but we are not so in order so to read and, most important, to reflect on what the other is talking about. “People are not open to listening to the different, and this is fundamental,” says psychologist and psychoanalyst Daniella Cury of São Paulo.
Discuss or not discuss, here’s the question
Changing ideas is very cool, even for us to rethink our positions. “It’s worth having a willingness to argue, even to make you think who still has no opinion formed on the subject,” says the coach and nonviolent communication specialist at Instituto Tiê, Carolina Nalon, in São Paulo. But if you are to put your opinion with hatred, stop: the less people arguing in exaltation, the better. Before typing, what about stopping and thinking a little: ” I would argue with that person outside the digital environment?” Or “Because it is protected by a screen, will I say more than I would speak in the real world?”
Also, it is important to show who is debating that we understand what he / she is arguing. “Remember that we do not have to convince anyone. I’ll put my mind on it, and if the other does not agree, I’ll respect it. The fighting happens because people want to be right, “says psychologist Luís Henrique dos Santos, from São Paulo. And have you noticed how we tend to value more in a discussion who “won” the debate than who has openness to dialogue?
Another very important point: do not take the conversation to the personal terrain. When they attack you, say, ” I want to talk about this, know your arguments. I’m not against you . ” When we give our opinion to the world, we want to be recognized by it, and we are in a position of vulnerability. “So whenever you disagree with someone, the chance to shame that person is high. And when someone feels that way, he attacks. ” So, focus on not being embarrassed by your arguments that is open to debate. It is also good to reciprocate not to fight with anyone for feeling vulnerable.
From the former to the co-workers, how to discuss on social networks:
Indirect (sometimes direct bee) is what there is not missing between ex (from boyfriends), Instagram and Facebook. We end up bothering with issues that are badly resolved for us. We want to react, to make the other uncomfortable, but stop, think and be honest with yourself: besides anger, what are you feeling? Why did this mess with you? “Sometimes it’s better to sit with a friend and talk than to pin someone,” advises psychoanalyst Daniella Cury.
Initially, it may be a way to stop following the ex and, after a while, come back if that still fits in your life. “If you have a wound on the skin and move it all the time, it will take longer to heal. It’s the same with an affective relationship. ” And lock forever? Is it a drastic attitude? Yes, but if you find it necessary, go ahead! Better than living tormented by the ex’s profile.
With work guys
His colleagues have a right-wing political stance and his stance is on the left. One of them makes a comment that you disagree with in the WhatsApp office group. How to act? You need not fail to state your opinion. You just have to be delicate when you put it on and think about who will get the message. “I can not be a person between one group and another in a different one. My values are with me everywhere, “says Luis. But it is necessary to make some adjustments to talk about the same subject between different groups, otherwise communication will not be effective.
Among the (numerous) members of the family
Coach Carolina Nalon, our source in the story, is a lesbian and tells us that she always had homophobic jokes in her family’s WhatsApp group. He even wrote how uncomfortable she was. “Everyone stopped to think,” he recalls. Many discussions are closed without us having to express ourselves, but when there is insistence, it is valid to take a stand. ” Your sister will remain your sister, even if you think differently, ” she recalls. Already with some friends it may be easier to lose the link.
Four points to remember before you face a discussion:
1. Ask yourself: Would you have this debate outside the digital environment?
2. Think before you respond and let anger aside.
3. Do not attack the person, focus on the facts and arguments of the discussion.
4. Remember that the goal is not to win the fight, but to dialogue.